Cameron’s House of Fun V2.0

Dear Bigot, 

When I smiled at you identifying that I was Canadian and from Dorval this was not an invitation to tell me everything that was on your mind. 

I was genuinely quite happy to meet someone who had lived in Point Claire for 20 years, seriously I was. That’s why I smiled again. Now, and this is my fault, I should have immediately broken off the conversation when I told you I was from Dorval and you said “oh, is that still there?”. Every one of my warning bells went off. 

At this point I started doing math quickly and realized that you had fled when the PQ took power. This gave me an immediate foreshadowing of what was to come. 

From this point on all of my smiling and soothing conversation was no longer genuine and was the product of years of passive aggression and my trying to contain and manage you in much the way you talk to a 5 year old who is having a tantrum. 

When you started on with your delightful story about how the Quebecois don’t really speak French and how you once saw a French person refuse to talk to a Quebecois in French because they contended that they didn’t actually speak that language my smile was to hide my hatred of both you and myself. My hatred of you should be self explanatory, but I was hating myself for smiling and for not telling you off. 

What I would have liked to have said was “oh yes, when the colonizer comes along and prattles about how his or her language should be spoken it’s always funny. Because nothing is better than condescending bullshit. Hey, how about those Australians and how they think all of you here in NZ speak like stupid, backwards bumpkins? Isn’t that a hoot?”

When you transitioned onwards to your rant about bill 101, which you clearly don’t understand and never will, my smile was now the smile you reserve for the mentally infirm. At this point I was actually enjoying myself again, because all my hatred had evaporated and I now pitied you, in a sort of “oh look, she’s actually pieing herself. Over and over and over. How sad and funny.”

Now, I don’t know if you noticed, but I actually had the spine to turn off the conversation when you moved on to “So, are all the Muslims there still?” Because, honestly, I had more foreshadowing going on, and I just wasn’t able to figure out how we were going to wind up in a good place with this conversational gambit. So yes, there are muslims, and yes many of them came because they came from places where French was the second language. 

But most of them came for another reason. Because idiots like you are out numbered by people who don’t have their heads in their butts. 

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and live with my shame at not actually engaging you about yoru stupid. I suppose this shame will fade. Sadly your dumb will not. 

Good day.

So the saying goes: What has been seen cannot be unseen. 

Living in Dunedin at this time of year (orientation week) provides clear proof of the truth in this saying. 

Highlights of Monday were:

1. Watching a young man puke from chugging beer/wine/some kind of swamp booze from a mylar bag. At 9:35. AM.
2. Walking home with Christine and Lucas and having what must have been the ugliest pair of breasts known to all mankind shaken at me from an upstairs window. Money quote “Oh shit, there’s a kid” Yes there is you fucking prat, and thank god I’m large and blocked his view or I’d be coming up to take all your shit to pay for the therapy. 
3. Going down into town later that evening and watching a young man dressed as some sort of mummy (underwear and saranwrap) flashing passing cars in what he seemed to believe was a sexy manner. A thought, the two cute girls you were talking to? The were laughing at you. Not with you. Assuming you remember meeting them, they will pretend that they have never met you. I promise you this. 

Otago University students seem to like dressing up (perhaps this is a NZ thing, but I can only speak to Otago) and then getting drunk. This makes for amusing moments… drunk penguins, drunk elves, drunk half-naked people, drunk flappers, drunk people who clearly created their costumes whilst drunk… the permutations go on and on… 

Tuesday’s fun ended with the annual toga party parade. In years past this was, apparently, a mostly peaceable event with happy drunken students going down the main street to other events. It has been billed to students as a sort of welcome to the city version to the graduation parades that the University holds down the same street when they are finished their degrees. 

This year however students got sent to the marshaling point an hour early and the shit hit the fan. Actually the shit hit them. 

People (older students/locals/random people beamed down from spaceships) were lying in wait for them. With puke. And shit. And eggs. And beer bottles. And (in one case) a frozen orange. And garbage. And WheatBix in liquids (one doesn’t really want to think what liquid). And then they threw them at the marching students. 

Now, let’s leave aside for a moment that fact that there are no marches to protest the living conditions of the average undergrad here in Dunedin, and move on to the simple facts. No matter who it was that was throwing stuff, no matter who it was that wound up breaking some shop windows, no matter who it was that caused all this stuff to be flung around George Street, there are two words to describe what happened: riot and assault. 

Now, in the media here there is a lot of hand wringing going on: it’s not all the students (see comments here), we have to wait and see, let’s not be hasty, kick them out (the Otago Daily Times editorial from this morning) etc etc.

What I don’t understand is how is there even a discussion going on? Let the police do their job. Throwing things at other people, causing people to get hurt (reports of cuts to hands, feet and faces, one report of a serious injury to tendons, bad bruising from the afore mentioned frozen orange), and causing property damage are all crimes of one kind or another. They are not just “students being students”. It’s not something that you can write off as “sowing their wild oats”. It’s stupidity, and as long as the University and the City don’t crack down on it people will continue to think that this sort of behavior is acceptable.

Right, so it’s a month since I posted. This makes me sort of lame. Or busy. Or lamely busy. Or just forgetful. 

So, anyway:

Christmas vacations finished up and were grand. We were happy be there, but in the end I think we were probably as happy to get going. A month is a long time to camp in your half empty house and stay with relatives. Also, as much as we have issues with Dunedin, it’s now home and all of our stuff is here.

Part of the problem is that we had a ton of stuff that we didn’t get sorted before we left to deal with. So we finished moving stuff out of the house and got Metro all ready for shipping (NZ animal import rules are pretty strict). 

On the way home we went to San Francisco for a few days. As usual SF is like a tonic for our collective souls, we always seem to be happier and calmer there. For the last two visits there we have used my travel points to stay at the Hotel Kabuki in Japantown. Japantown is cool because it’s a bit calmer and quieter than the main downtown areas but is close enough to a lot of cool stuff that it’s walkable. Cow Hollow, Hayes Valley etc are all aboug 15 - 20 minutes away. This time we got our act together and hooked with our buddy Andrew and had dinner with him at an Italian place he recommended… 

After this sort of vacationy fun we got on the plane for Auckland, and then Dunedin and back to reality. I’ve been hard at the job search, with some luck, since we got back. Lucas has started his first real year of school and can suddenly write in nice even letters and has fully deployed his “how?” “why?” phase… (A sample: Papa? How does electricity work? Me: how the hell would I know, I failed physics…). Chris is working away at PhD stuff: proposals, lit review, reading reading always reading… 

So life’s rhythms are back to normal and, as much as it’s not really home yet, it is good to be back.

So you get up really early, and you run around, and then the airport shuttle comes to and you get in and you go for a nice 30 minute drive to the Dunedin Airport, where you are like 2.5 hours early. So you have coffee and look at the shops and marvel at how young the NZ Army recruits look. Then you get on the plane and fly to Auckland. Where you are layed over for 8 hours. So you go into town and discover that you are totally city people (omg someone shoved me, I’m home). Then you go back to the airport and kick around there and buy a ton of water and some shortbread and then board your 747, conveniently named Dunedin) and then you fly. Forever. Well like 14 hours. Then you get off and deal with the idiocy that is LAX (Has there ever been a stupider airport? Also, why can’t American xray machines look at my shoes while they are on my feet?) Then you run and get sandwiches because the next flight (which was late, thank god) is Air Canada and they no longer give you a meal on flights from LA to Montreal. Then you board, finally and fly to Montreal and make it 5 minutes early because of the tail wind.

Approximate travel time= 30ish hours
Number of litres of water consumed = 4 plus
Number of times Wall E watched by Lucas= 4.5
Number of traveling party who are now sick like dogs=1
Number of traveling party who would do it all again tomorrow if it meant a white Christmas and time with friends and family= 3

Home is good.

My Dad has a saying, it may well not be his, but it goes like this: snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. 

This is essentially what the Liberal Party of Canada is in the process of doing. At the very time that they should be showing their organized, well disciplined side. At at time when Harper and his CPC are vulnerable, at a time when (in my opinion) it would be very nice to have people who kind of like Canada back in charge, they are embarking on one of their periodic bouts of stupid. 

Not content to just piss away the coalition, not content to get rid of Dion before the May 2009 leadership convention they seem to be poised to elect Ignatieff as leader via a conference call… 

Let’s leave aside the many issues with Ignatieff for a second (and they are legion) and stop and think for a second. The. Liberals. Are. Going. To. Throw. Over. Their. Leadership. Race. Via. A. Phone. Call. 

The only thing standing between a CPC majority at this point is 1) the fact that lots of Canadians don’t trust/like Harper and his gang of gits and 2) The Bloc Quebecois is still in play in Quebec. 

I know that Madame doesn’t want him to run again, I know that he is no longer a young man, I get that he’s done, but holy shit Jean Chretien must be sitting somewhere thinking “If you idiots don’t sort this shit out I’m going to come down there and and kick your asses.”.

So I read this comment about a local beer company’s advert: 

 ”And God so loved the earth that he gave them His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall have an annual indication of consumer confidence”.

Let me tell you all something:

I’ve never voted for the LPC in my whole life. I have voted NDP, Bloc and PC. Though I’m often painted as some kind of lefty nut by the more right wing folks around that I interact with, I’m probably a soft NDP/red red tory (I’d like balanced budgets, but not at the cost of social programs - if we need to tax to take care of the weakest in our country, so be it). 

I vote Bloc because Gilles is a good MP and because I honestly think they do a good  job taking care of our province as MPs. 

OH, and it should be pointed out that I’m anglophone. I vote this way at some personal expense. I have gotten into fights with people at workplaces and within my family about my choices. 

In the last few days I, and people like me all over Canada and within Quebec, have been vilified. I love Canada with all my heart and soul. Even more so now that I’m away from home. I happen to skew left. I happen to think that people count more than companies. I think that gay people should be able to marry. I think that women should have control over their wombs (I’m not “pro-abortion” no one is “pro-abortion” please fuck off with that. I’m also pro-Union, pro-equal pay and think that government should be more transparent and that much of what goes on in the House is a circus. 

I am not treasonous. I am not supporting a coup. I am not involved in sedition. I’m not a dread separatist (more on that in a second). My supporting the perfectly legal and constitutional moves of the LPC, the NDP with the support of the Bloc does not mean I’m a bad person. Just one who understand our system of government and disagrees with the CPC and Steven Harper. 

I know that for many in the Rest of Canada it’s easier to simply reduce Quebec politics to federalist or separatist and then move on, as if there is nothing else that we ever think about. As if every vote we take cast is only done so through the prism of wanting to leave Canada or not. 

Here’s the reality: I vote for the PQ in my home riding, not because I love the idea of Quebec leaving Canada, but because every other thing they believe I agree with. Because I hate, with a burning hot rage, Jean Charest. I have alwasy voted PQ (which I’ve been doing for about 4 provincial elections) with a sense of guilt. With an apology on my lips. 

No more. 

Today, and for the foreseeable future, this tête carré has had enough. 

Mr Harper, congratulations. You’ve nearly turned me into a separatist.

So here I am, a million miles away, with no access to any media from Canada but the web. 

And suddenly, after nearly two years of putting up with bullshit and generally living on their knees the Canadian left discovers their spine (my theory? They bumped their head against it when they were pulling their collective heads out of their collective asses). 

My first thought? Why oh why couldn’t you lot have waited like 11 days (we come home for Xmas on the 15th…) 

My second thought? Well Scot Reid put it pretty nicely, though the Canadian Cynic version appeals to me quite nicely.

Seriously though, we’re Canadian.. we don’t elect governments or Prime Ministers, we elect MPs. They then, by convention, form the government and their leader becomes the PM. The job isn’t even in the Constitution. 

The PM only gets to serve as such if (s)he has the confidence of the house, or if htey are so cowed and whipped that they let him or her away with anything they want (see the last Parliament for an example). 

Harper has lost this confidence. He’s been leading like he has a majority.

Ring ring, hello this is reality! He doesn’t. This means that the next viable group of people to be able to run the joint is a combination of the opposition. This is legal. This is in our constitution. This is most assuredly not a coup. Or treason. Or any other stupid thing that any of the Blogging Tories or the CPC or their various mouthpieces (damn liberal media) in the media have been prattling on about. 

This is how our system is meant to work. Deal. 

Anyway, here’s my two bits worth. 

He’s done. Knock him off and kick him when he’d down. Then let’s get back to the business of government.

This collection of electoral maps is just so fricking cool.

Ok, so New Zealand just had an election and here’s what I know: National (sort of Harper CPC with a slicker, but more worrisome leader) got the most seats of any party (59). On the right, they are joined by ACT with 5 seats. On the left, Labour got reduced to the second largest party, with 43 seats, after 9 years of leading the country in what looks like (to me at least) a pretty good way. Green got 8 seats, the Māori Party got 5 and the Progressives and the United Future each got 1. 

So far so good right.

Here’s the tricky bit. Many of the parties that now have seats never won a single riding. As in their MPs were not elected in the way that a North American or UK citizen would understand the term. If you look here you can see the count, but because New Zealand uses Mixed Member Proportional you can see that the results are broken down by Electoral Seats (as in seats actually won by direct votes) and List Seats (as in popular vote based seats that are then taken from a list of MPs). 

As much as the Canadian “first past the post” system is often unfair, and doesn’t represent the will of the popular vote, this system seems fraught as well. The Greens, for instance (who I largely sympathize with - I had a very nice conversation with their local candidate/MP here in Dunedin - their plans are smart, concrete and for the most part well thought out) didn’t win a single riding. But they have 8 seats. Again, I like the idea of them being there, but it still strikes me as odd.